Harrowing Lions
by v i t r e o u s
Summary: Hinata hires a trackernin to help her find her cousin. She just so happens to find herself along the way. HinataNeji.
1. i Farces and Folly

i.

The strands of DNA that hold the Byakugan the Hyuuga family are strong and not easily replicated during conception, just as those that hold lives together aren't easily forged over night.

The first birth always had the strongest kekkei genkai. Hiashi and Hizashi were no exception.

Mere seconds had created a chasm between two people who were genetically and physically identical. Whereas Hiashi was cold and condescending, Hizashi was warm and optimistic.

They were both strong.

Hiashi lived through his Byakugan. Hizashi lived through his heart.

It was rumored that Hizashi was stronger than Hiashi; that it was easy to mistake the first born for the second without the jinjutsu when they were still equal, but the patriarch had silenced them.

Forcefully.

The farce (though still speculated about in the lower branches of the Second House) that Hizashi was the edlest and true heir had been banned from their lips, though the torment and resentment that Hiashi had endured as he grew older consumed the ideas of what he had been taught about right and wrong, and only through his brother's sacrifice did the shell begin to falter, and through his own introspection did it harden and thicken to outside intrusions, especially towards his daughter as he viewed her the reason for his brother's death (a folly he'd soon have to com to terms with).

It wasn't until the truth of what happened on the night of their conception, whispered on his father's deathbed, just days after his brother's death, did Hiashi feel the true levity of the Hyuuga World on his shoulders.

He'd have cried if he had anymore tears to spare.

Hanako placed Hinata atop the small red-lacquered bridge crossing the waist-deep river running lazily in the summer heat. Small insects skimmed across the water chirping and buzzing, birds nestling down in their straw homes sent out their final songs of requiem.

"The Byakugan has many blind spots, Hinata. Do you understand?" Her mother peered over the landscape the landscape as it turned red amidst the sunset.

"Yes," she lied. She hadn't understood much of anything these last few days. The whole compound had been draped in black, after her uncle had been placed in a large wooden box and buried deep in the deep dark ground where the Hyuuga before her lay. Her aunts told her that he was going to sleep forever.

Her father simply told her Hizashi was dead, a dark baritone adding a new edge to his voice.

Neji never looked at her the same way again and Hinata had begun to miss their staring games that only ended when she smiled or he passively waved without his hand ever fully leaving their resting place on his thigh.

"Your Byakugan can only see 359 degress. Your heart can only see one. It is up to you, Hinata, to find out how to see full circle." They sat in silence for a moment as Hinata tried to understand what was being said -to he. It was a while before she spoke, her muted curiosity getting the best of her.

"Mama, what's the mark on your forehead mean?" Hinata whispered. Hanako rested her cheek on Hinata's shoulder, becoming silent with her own introspection.

"More than you could ever understand," her mother breathed int the setting sun, and Hinata, not knowing whether she was supposed to hear, watched as the blood red sky slowly turned into a misty purple, and Hinata had a childish fear that it was his blood draining away (and Hinata never quite got over the idea that it was something Neji should've seen and not her.)

All Hyuuga women are strong, the aunt's often murmured. The replication of the Byakugan, often, did not go well.

Hinata's mother had only suffered eight months with her first child, and it was always considered an omen that Hinata had been coaxed to cry.

Hanabi had been born after nine months and two weeks. She had set the room in disarray with her screaming. There was no doubt about her strength and Hiashi had noted this as Hinata fidgeted under his nonchalant gaze.

It was awhile before Hinata's mother had stopped bleeding.

And when she stopped bleeding she stopped breathing.

Hinata didn't cry at her mother's funeral. Hiashi was her eponym. Not only did she take part of her name but she took part of his personality as well. Just as he had done at his brother's funeral, Hinata had watched with somber respect as her mother's ashes were placed in a plot reserved for members of the second house married to the birds of the Main Cage.

. Hyuuga women weren't allowed the pleasure of tears.

There was no blood in the sky as Hinata stood on the red-lacquered bridge, alone.

Her father stood under the shade of a large pine, silently, and decided that was Hinata's battle to fight for herself (he lay awake that night, wondering if this had ever been about Hinata, or just himself).

As she grew older, Hiashi noted with much disdain, that Hinata was becoming the soft and gentle person his brother and wife had been. Silent, and bashful, and lacking the eagerness to kill that most ninja had, Hiashi began ignoring Hinata, and trained Hanabi to be his true prodigy, and despite the fact that Hanabi often showed the tendency to grow into a gentler version of himself, he quickly reprimanded her, inadvertently berating Hinata to try and motivate her into a higher position. He didn't want to become the failure those snide remarks from his childhood had predicted, which had long since set a flaw in his plan: upon trying to please everyone, one would often overlook the upside to unwanted qualities.

There were few times when Hinata's meekness and silence were imperative.

Her father would often leave for hours at a time, and come back in a very soft and relaxed mood and he would often shut himself into his study until his disposition reverted back to normal (though the more these ventures carried on, Hinata had a harder time discerning which side of him was true, and almost felt sympathy for him having to live a secret personality).

Hinata was presented with an opportunity and she seized it.

No one had known (or acknowledged) that she was back from her mission and she could move freely, as most would assume her tardiness to effortful training (that most of the main house would still call useless). She had meant to go in search of Kiba or Shino who'd understand her docile taps on their door as in invitation to dinner or the training grounds or whatever idea they had placed in her opinion. She found her father, as she sat perched on a slanted roof overlooking the lower part of the city that had started to become speckled with bright lights in the setting sun. She had just jumped onto the railing of the balcony to dash through the adjacent hallway when she saw him. She pressed her body deeply into the wall as she tilted her head slightly and peered at her father. He was leaving an apartment.

Her breaths stilled as she saw the slight figure of a woman step out.

Her father paused slightly and spoke softly; the only indication of their conversation was the subtle movements of his lips. The slow beat of the blood thundering in her ears deafened her, but no matter how hard her efforts, she couldn't close her eyes. She watched as Hiashi grabbed the young woman's arm and pulled her closer, the two bodies becoming discernable in her blurry vision.

He kissed her. It didn't have the normal intimacy that Hinata had noted through the other adults of Konoha. It was a stolen kiss, done in secret and without any repercussions.

She didn't cry.

It was easier to pretend not to see at all.

AN: Totally unbetaed. I'm yet again rewriting this. I'm back after about two years to finish what I started. I am looking for betas and if interested either comment or PM me.


	2. ii Bonds

ii. Bonds

She nodded slightly as Kiba looked back at her. She wasn't sure what he'd asked her of her, but previous experiences told her that is was best to agree. Over the years, clothes had changed and much to Hinata's chagrin, she noticed there was little to no difference than before. While Akamaru's growth was startling (who else would think the little Akamaru would grow into a ride-able size other than Kiba if they hadn't seen it with their own eyes?) there was plenty of sorrow to be had. If they hadn't changed, then surely she hadn't either, and if she couldn't change, or there was a subconscious part of her that wouldn't, overcoming the adversity put upon her was futile and she would gladly step down to Hanabi who was already showing more potential as a genin then Hinata ever had.

While Kiba had changed his attire to a more somber look, (which Ino attributed to some mystery-woman, waving her pinky slightly and winking a sly eye at Hinata, who preceded to blush and bury her chin into her chest until the attention had been shifted, or jarred, back to Kiba through his outburst), though he never lost the characteristic triangles adorning his cheeks, Shino had gone the opposite.

Not only had his sunglasses widened along the way, his collar grew up his face like a vine and his jackets began to have bigger and bigger hoods that shielded his face like the exoskeleton of his Kikaichu. There was very little skin to be seen, and it was no surprise when Shino's voice, already barely heard, had became a terse background noise during missions as he only spoke with necessity, his words picked carefully and sharpened. He whispered and they strained to hear him, whereas it was much easier for them to pretend to not hear Hinata's stumble and jumble through her words (though Kiba had begun to notice her more after the chuunin exams).

Kiba doesn't notice her detachment and if Shino does, he says nothing. He knows that Hinata, not only being a creature of awkward subtleties, is not one for confrontation. He sees, behind his dark glasses, that both Hinata and Neji are people of habit, and their musings lead them to the right decision, even if they get hurt in the process.

They are barely arm's length away from the gate, and while they know that in such strained times everyone must do their part, they (meaning Kiba, who had only dragged Hinata in through her absentminded nod and taking Shino's agreement through a very noncommittal silence) wished they could play a bigger part in protection. The somber whispers flitting through Konoha's elder ninja were like the booming chorus in cheesy plays where the hero faces his final battle.

Something revolutionary was going to happen and the children can felt it.

After a few weeks of poking and prodding through the wilderness and finding nothing (leaving Kiba scoffing and rolling his eyes, "Typical,") Hinata returned home, and received the welcome she had expected: None, but she is never lonely.

Hinata had never lonely. Only as she grew older and more contemplative rather than just inward, did she notice her inability to feel lonely. Feeling lonely meant that she had too much time where she was doing nothing to further her training; nothing to prove her worth.

Isolation was another thing.

The Main House was merely a long line of first born successors and heirs who prided not only outer strength, the strength of pure Byakugan, but the strength of heart, where fear and doubts couldn't be found.

Hinata had neither (but there were times when she would think of Naruto and feel she could do anything, though she'd then spend more time thinking of all the reasons she had felt foolish for thinking it).

The Branches were home to caged birds with no discernable features besides the white eyes that looked down at her. Their outrage was always present. It seared her skin and while it made no discernable marks on her skin, it created lesions in the deeper recesses of her mind and only made their presence known when she lay restless in bed. She wanted to prove them wrong, and change the Hyuuga into a clan that Neji and Naruto had forged during the last stage of the chuunin exam.

While Hinata didn't think about these things often (because they hurt and hurt and hurt her until she felt nothing) on missions where everyone had to do their part (and Hinata often tried to do more than her part because she was fifteen now and her face wasn't the only thing that became more defined as she grew older) the guilt that came with being in the way stilled on the back of her tongue for days.

She always choked on the idea that some one could die from failure.

--

All Hyuuga women were strong. Not only from birth, but from death.

Hinata couldn't count the people who had died in her life on one hand, but to count the ones who had impacted her life in these last few years would have been impossible. Outside the clan, people were rooting for her, so many, in fact, that Hinata often lost track of who wanted it more, and realized that she had no ambition to change it for herself, which was both selfish and selfless all in one go.

She toed a small crack in the paved sidewalk as she stood outside the door for so long, only leaving to come back and stare up at the signs. Gai and TenTen had returned a few days ago, battered and unconscious, on the backs of two jounin that had intercepted their battle. They had only managed to get them back to Konoha, suffering mild damages as well. Most had assumed that Lee and Neji had been sent off to complete the mission, but one could never be sure. She didn't think that Neji could be easily overcome, but having lived watching her cousin's steps lap her on the way to her dream, she began to notice his fervor in being strong, and the fact that he would always be watching over her, had led to a compromise, that both she and Hizashi would watch over him (though she found that Hizashi would always have a more omniscient role and Hinata would just make him herb-enriched tea to keep his bones going strong).

Something wasn't right in Konoha, and if thing weren't right here, then the outside world had to be really messed up.

She fidgeted slightly, raising her finger to run along her bottom lip.

"It is up to you, Hinata," Shino had whispered to her, taking her back to the red-lacquered bridge her mother had loved. She had leaned her head forward as Kiba tried to cheer her up by saying Neji would be okay. Of course, he would be okay, she reassured herself, but she wanted him to be okay now, rather than someone finding his crumpled body and bringing him home on a white stretcher.

She had long made a promise to a blonde-haired ninja that she would do her best to change just a little more. She writes Neji's name on a list of missing Nin, and noted, with a tinge of sadness, that someone had written Sasuke Uchiha on this board several times.

She rewrites his name under Neji's and hopes that maybe if they see different penmanship, they may be a little more motivated.

Hinata doesn't dwell on this childish thought for long, and she hurries of the fields to train.

When she is done with her training, after waiting eight long days for her cousin (and unconsciously expecting him to come back in a body bag) to come back, she falls to the ground in exhaustion and sees Hanabi standing at the edge of the trees. She doesn't look away quickly, like a child ashamed, but her pale eyes meet Hinata's eyes for a long breadth of time and while Hanabi hasn't had much disrespect for her older Sister, she understands the bond that holds Hinata and Neji are strange and complicated, she feels the burden of her words fully, as her sisters eyes water, awaiting the worst.

"Neji has returned," Hanabi says, taking her sister's bashfulness into her voice. "Barely."


	3. iii Tea Leaves

**Iii.**

**Hinata sat in her room, her hands sandwiched between her thighs, once again feeling the uncertainty of what was now waiting for her. Her cousin had come back. That she was certain. Or at least, his body had. There was something missing in his eyes and she'd seen the emptiness staring back at her, the same one she felt standing on the bridge in the garden, almost expecting her mother to come beside her and hold her close. Neji didn't like losing, took it personal, and she knew that what he was feeling had to deal with the unfinished mission he had been sent out for. Unlike Hinata, who took it as a moment to reflect back on mistakes and how she should change if she were to be placed in the same situation once more, he'd focus on making it a purpose to venture out again. Hinata had hoped that the fight during the Chuunin exams had rid him of this, but there was always a bit of pragmatism that made her realize that Neji didn't just see Naruto as a friend and comrade-in-arms, but hurdle to overcome to prove, if only to himself, that he could do it. **

**Hinata changed as a river did, meeting an obstacle but still going around it. Never the same person twice. Neji changed as the earth did slowly, and calmly. Rushing for no one, and then once would look upon him once again and see an entirely new landscape staring back at them. It was only his father's letter than had torn through him like an earthquake. **

**She'd gone to visit him. He'd been critical but had stabilized after a week. She was still unsure how she managed to make the trip by herself, with a single flower and hand to gently rest at his bedside table. She had merely exchanged formalities with him, and though he didn't reply, he stared at her through tired and weary eyes. It was eerie to see him without his headband. The smooth expanse of his forehead, only marred by the jinjustsu. Hinata had wanted to reach out and touch it. But every time the thought emerged, she thought of her father activating Hizashi's jinjutsu and she quelled and it placed the urge deep inside of herself where she'd laid to rest her mother and uncle. And almost her cousin she realized.**

**She wasn't sure if anyone had sat in his hospital room as she had, besides his team members and the other chuunin that have grown with him. But she was sure that she was the only one who had understood what he could possibly be feeling now. **

**He comes back in the next week and returns to his old room, still adjoined to his parents' though now it is empty and Hinata is sure that it's empty in more than one way for him. She wonders what it's like to just be a screen away from a room full of ghosts. When he marries there will be a push for him to move into it, to fill his childhood bed with those of his children, all with white eyes and black symbols.**

**A free bird could be left alone, or perhaps it could be caged, but in the Hyuuga family offspring of caged birds stayed caged and that was that. Hinata doesn't know what happened to his mother and it's not as though she isn't interested, but unable to figure out how to put it into words. It's like that for most things, Hinata thinks, glancing out at the fading sun through the small crack in the window. She stands up, moving to close it. She whispers into the kitchen, past the cooks and washer-women. They don't bother her as she sets a kettle of water on the stove, watching the flames like up against the metal. She is content in the moment, grinding herbs from her garden into the tea leaves. It is not required of her to make tea for Neji. It is just a need to be useful at all times that compels her. She tips the water into a small porcelain tea pot and lets it steep while she readies a tray with two cups. It is not heavy but she wavers under it's weight. The idea of the Main House being compassionate to the Second House is still a new thing and with each pot of tea she makes , Hinata thinks she can feel a change. But as for now, diplomacy is inconsequential; she is just doing something for her Neji-nii-san and that is quite enough.**

"**You don't have to do this," Neji says, one day, half-whispering, half-strained from his healing wounds. "For me," he finishes, as though it were the only reason.**

**She knows. There were many things Hinata had to do in her lifetime, but these moments of leisure spent with Neji in the somber agreement of peace after a long day of training and C-rank missions that had been filling up Tsunade's workload. In retrospection, they hadn't really felt like C-rank missions, but muted B-rank missions. There was talk of war outside of Konohagakure, jounin were being pulled away more and more. **

**She paused to look down at his cup, noting it was empty. She picked up the small teapot to pour more, but Neji grabbed her hand. The flower-adorned pot shook in the wake of his strength but she didn't drop it. "You don't…" he began to say.**

"**I want to," she assured. Her eyes looked up to meet him, and she could see the small tint of sadness in his eyes. He released his grip slowly, his hand sliding down her arm until he hit the wrist and he tugged it back to his lap. She knew it was his way of saying thanks and apologizing all in one.**

**This continued on for many days, only interrupted on days when Hinata had long missions or when Neji's training ran late. Something had passed through them, silently. After a few months of mutual silence and contemplation, it was no surprise that when she awoke one morning to find his room empty, he clothes neatly packed in the closet along with his futon. It did however send a bolt of frenzy down her when she found that Tsunade and Guy had no idea where he'd gone. That like a shadow, he'd slid under the door and out of her life again. **

**The teapot hit the ground and shattered, spilling tea and leaves across the wooden floor. The last piece of her mother now lay in pieces at her feet, her arms still stuck in the same position. **

"**He'll be okay," Sakura said, as she, Ino, and Hinata ordered freshly fried pieces of squid at a local stand, Had Hinata been a more confrontation and pessimissistic person, she may have uttered, "Like Sasuke?" but she didn't. Having been with these friends that seemed to have regularly defied fate and everything they knew about it, she had hoped some of this luck had rubbed off on Neji. She'd continue to carry on waiting for him. It was her ninja way, she realized, looking down at the arm Neji had grabbed hold of not long ago. She had understood clearly now. It was never about the tea. He hadn't wanted her to get close to him. To fall in love. To understand him better than he understood himself. **

**Her answer was the same. She'd wanted to, and she would she decided, balling her hands into fists. Passivity would not get the job done, and even though she wrote his name on the wall of missing nin, along with brothers and sister, wives and husbands, and even children, she could not be content. It was then she came across an address that had lead her to the door she'd witnessed her father kissing a young woman and silently leaving. Her hand hovered a awhile before knocking. Was her father here now? She wondered. **

"**Yes," the woman answered, before her knuckles could hit the wooden door. For Neji, she decided, as the door slip open.**


End file.
